Hello Good Morning: Steve is the best at Twitter. Life.
Timmy’s Letter to Santa….
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the
elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an
X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you
remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
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Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all
fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all
the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want
you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring
you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
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Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the ‘naughty vs. nice’ contract, set by you I
might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me
what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous
season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my
weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit
trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
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Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the ‘nice’ criteria, need I remind
you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee
of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is
your right. Please know, however, that my attornies have been on retainer
ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than
happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded
to will not only improve your health, but also improve you social skills
and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of
the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
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Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to
be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this.
Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re
gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game,
my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
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Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on
one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe? ‘He sees
you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake’. Sound familiar,
genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your
shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people
that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza
roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what
you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in
your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
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Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.
Timmy
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Timmy,
That’s what I thought you little bastard.
Santa
My take on tonight’s GOP debate
Candidate by candidate here is my take …..
Rick Santorum: Was heavily marginalized and seemed crowded out by more intelligent voices. He’s going nowhere and will be joining Pawlenty soon.
Newt Gingrich: Much like Santorum… Not a stupid man but I don’t get a sense that he wants the nomination. He did not lend much to the overall discussion.
Michelle Bachman: Nothing groundbreaking in her performance. Besides the 4 lbs of hairspray, Botox and makeup which distracted anyone watching in HD she was simply chiming in and not challenging.
Mitt Romney: Simply seemed off kilter by Rick Perrys aggressiveness. Halfway thru he began stumbling with his words and offered only stump speech retorts when challenged.
Rick Perry: In his first debate he dictated the tempo and challenged anyone he disagreed with. Clearly ended any similarity with GW in the manner he handled himself on the fly. He will only get his message more zeroed in as time passes. The clear front runner.
Ron Paul: my favorite but a disappointing performance. Stumbled quite a bit as he often does. Was largely ignored by the moderators but that’s nothing new. Has the most to offer of ANY candidate but he doesn’t ‘perform’ well.
Herman Caine: GREAT PERFORMANCE. Solid on all issues. I was impressed with his 9-9-9 tax plan, as was everyone who was in the audience.
JOHN HUNTSMAN: I FORGOT HE EXISTED BEFORE THE DEBATE AND JOKED ABOUT HIM. I WAS WRONG. He was clear, concise and won this debate in a near draw with Cain. He changed my mind and that is rare.
That’s all for now.
Ron
